How Not To Die: The Dumbest Deaths in Recorded History
Attila the Hun:
One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's
army had conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia
to the edge of the Russian Empire--by destroying villages
and pillaging the countryside.
How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night
In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico.
Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield,
he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets.
On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose,
gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the
night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to
notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead
the next morning.
--------------------
Tycho Brahe:
An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century.
His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton
to come up with the theory of gravity.
How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time
In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to
leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe,
known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition
-- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet
started. He made matters worse by drinking too much
at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused.
His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully
over the next 11 days.
--------------------
Horace Wells:
Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s
How he died: Used anesthetics to commit suicide.
While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia
research, Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848
he was arrested for spraying two women with sulfuric
acid. In a letter he wrote from jail, he blamed chloroform
for his problems, claiming that he'd gotten high before
the attack. Four days later he was found dead in his
cell. He'd anaesthetized himself with chloroform and
slashed open his thigh with a razor.
--------------------
Francis Bacon:
One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century.
A statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist,
he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's
plays.
How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken.
One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm
and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow
could be used to preserve meat in the same way that
salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased
a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then,
standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the
chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never
froze, but Bacon did.
--------------------
Jerome Irving Rodale:
Founding father of the organic food movement, creator
of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder
of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation.
How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing
the benefits of organic foods.
Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless
I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only
72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January
1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead
in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show
was never aired.
--------------------
Aeschylus:
A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider
him the father of Greek tragedies.
How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and
attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks.
An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was
bald) and dropped it on him instead.
--------------------
Jim Fixx:
Author of the best selling "Complete Book of Running,"
which started the jogging craze of the 1970s.
How he died: A heart attack....while jogging
Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked
out of his house and began jogging. He'd only gone a
short distance when he had a massive coronary. His autopsy
revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged,
another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked....and
that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior
to his death.
--------------------
And finally there's Lully, one of our favorite 16th-
century composers, who wrote music for the king of France.
While rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating
time with his staff, and drove it right through his
foot. He died of infection.
Attila the Hun:
One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's
army had conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia
to the edge of the Russian Empire--by destroying villages
and pillaging the countryside.
How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night
In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico.
Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield,
he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets.
On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose,
gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the
night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to
notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead
the next morning.
--------------------
Tycho Brahe:
An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century.
His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton
to come up with the theory of gravity.
How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time
In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to
leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe,
known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition
-- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet
started. He made matters worse by drinking too much
at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused.
His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully
over the next 11 days.
--------------------
Horace Wells:
Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s
How he died: Used anesthetics to commit suicide.
While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia
research, Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848
he was arrested for spraying two women with sulfuric
acid. In a letter he wrote from jail, he blamed chloroform
for his problems, claiming that he'd gotten high before
the attack. Four days later he was found dead in his
cell. He'd anaesthetized himself with chloroform and
slashed open his thigh with a razor.
--------------------
Francis Bacon:
One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century.
A statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist,
he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's
plays.
How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken.
One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm
and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow
could be used to preserve meat in the same way that
salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased
a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then,
standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the
chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never
froze, but Bacon did.
--------------------
Jerome Irving Rodale:
Founding father of the organic food movement, creator
of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder
of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation.
How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing
the benefits of organic foods.
Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless
I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only
72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January
1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead
in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show
was never aired.
--------------------
Aeschylus:
A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider
him the father of Greek tragedies.
How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and
attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks.
An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was
bald) and dropped it on him instead.
--------------------
Jim Fixx:
Author of the best selling "Complete Book of Running,"
which started the jogging craze of the 1970s.
How he died: A heart attack....while jogging
Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked
out of his house and began jogging. He'd only gone a
short distance when he had a massive coronary. His autopsy
revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged,
another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked....and
that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior
to his death.
--------------------
And finally there's Lully, one of our favorite 16th-
century composers, who wrote music for the king of France.
While rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating
time with his staff, and drove it right through his
foot. He died of infection.
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